


Bhula Dena Mujhe

by mehan kartik (daydreamingstoryteller)



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: Adopted Children, Angst and Tragedy, Bittersweet Ending, Depression, Gen, Goggle and Kartik Bonding, Goodbyes, Grief, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Murder, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Mentions of Accident, Mentions of Cancer, Not Happy, Original Character(s), Outline Only, Parent-Child Relationship, Sad Ending, Tragedy, goodbye letters, mentions of hate crime, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26701939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreamingstoryteller/pseuds/mehan%20kartik
Summary: PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND BE CAREFUL!Only outline, not an actual fic, but it's "distilled pain".  An alternative look at how things could have gone after Goggle's wedding, if the Tripathis had been ... more cruel.
Relationships: Aman Tripathi & Goggle Tripathi, Kartik Singh & Goggle Tripathi, Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Comments: 27
Kudos: 17





	Bhula Dena Mujhe

**Author's Note:**

> _OK PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HEED THE TAGS AND THE WARNINGS!  
>  TWs: homophobia, hate crimes, death, grief, goodbye letters_
> 
> This is basically two alternative ideas of what Raakh could have been combined into one. SO. It starts off 10 times worse than Raakh and gets progressively worse by the end. I know I promised all my fics will have happy ending ... THIS ONE DOES NOT. 
> 
> PLEASE, be careful i really dont want to hurt you guys too much. ONLY four of my daughters have ever read it (it was written in mid June) and ALL OF THEM DIED. this was NEVER gonna be published but SARGUN DARED ME TO and others egged me on so here. 
> 
> again, this is only outline but it's still pain. I will never be writing this in full. I don't think anyone can bear that. 
> 
> ALSO i havent edited anything from june so sorry for spelling mistakes and typos.

Aman really thinks that his family might kill him because homophobes. So that's why he never wanted Kartik around them and yet Kartik wanted to go. Was so insistent on it, Aman could see the hope in his eyes. so he brought him to Allahabad praying that no one figured them out. He wants to give Kartik at least a sense of what having a family is like, maybe see his family one last time properly before he cuts all ties with them and stays in Delhi with Kartik.    
  


But Shankar sees them and Aman’s worst fear comes true. He doesn't accept them. So now Aman is worried and convinced that the family might kill him or Kartik. He knows the longer they stay the larger the chance that they might die. Aman doesn't care about himself but he wants Kartik to be safe. 

He asked Kartik to leave asap but Kartik was like “dance away the night with me, I don't know if we’ll ever see each other again”. And Aman knows that it’s probably true. He was convinced that his family would kill him. He could maybe put up a fight but he can’t bear to hurt them. And it’s all of them against him. So he prepares to die. He knows that’s what’s going to happen. Running away with Kartik was too risky. He had to get Kartik safe and that meant staying behind to stall his family and stop them from going after him.    
  
So he does the one thing he can. He writes a goodbye letter to Kartik. He doesn't want Kartik to be stuck on him forever. He needs him to move on. He has some hope, very little but it's there, that he won’t die but just in case. He says everything he needs to to Kartik in that letter, and stashes it in Kartik’s bag.    
  
At the wedding, looking at the way his father was glaring at Kartik and trying to get him to back away, Aman realizes there’s no way out. This is it. So he gets one last kiss from Kartik at the wedding. One last memory to remember him and this life by. And then he watches as Shankar drags Kartik away and forces him to leave.    
  


_ Mujhe maaf kardo baby, I love you so much.  _

_ But you have to go on without me.  _

  
  


Kartik:  _   
_ He feels heartbroken. He doesn't know if he’ll ever see Aman again. He knew that something like this might happen but he always held out hope that Shankar would accept them with time. Time. Yes, he thinks he’ll try to wait it out. Hopefully Aman isn't lost to him forever. He’s still being emo at the station though, and that’s when he sees Rajni. (stuff from movie happens exactly the same)   
  
So after deciding to go back to Allahabad with Rajni, they go and find a place to rest for a bit before getting on a train to Allahabad the next day. BUT when Kartik is trying to go through his bag to maybe find a hoodie for Rajni, he sees a note. It has Aman’s handwriting on it.    
  


Kartik doesn't recall Aman leaving anything in his bag so he picks it up and opens it. 

_   
_ It was a goodbye note.

  
  


_ Kartik, I love you. I always will okay? Never forget that. Baby, I’m sorry but by the time you're reading this, I might already be dead.  _

_ I don’t know when you're reading this but if you're away from my family then at least I know that you’re safe. None of this is your fault okay? Not one bit.  _

_ I knew that my family might ... do something if it ever came out that I was gay. I never wanted to bring you into this too. I will never let anything happen to you and that’s why I had to let you leave. Whatever happens to me will never be your fault. As long as you’re safe, I’ll be happy.  _

_ You were the love of my life. You know that right? The last 3 years with you have made this entire life of mine worth it. Even though it’s short, loving you gave it a purpose. You were my lasting love. The only love I’d ever had.  _

_ But, I hope i’m not yours. Go find someone else okay? I know I was your first love, but I never want to be your last. Live your life. For me.  _ _   
  
_

_ Do all the things we wanted to do but never could. Try not to cry over me for long okay baby? My baby strongest hai na? I’m sorry I’m not there to hug you, cuddle you and wipe away your tears anymore. I’m sorry I’m the reason for your tears.  _

_ But I could never have handled it if I was the reason you got hurt or killed. This was the only thing I could do to keep you safe. Don’t forget me okay? _

_ Mere liye tum kaafi ho.  _

_ -Your Aman _

Kartik doesn’t know what to do. He’s glad that Rajni stopped him from leaving to go back to Delhi because he might have only seen this way too late. He doesn't know if it's too late already, but he hopes it isn't. Rajni and Kartik are super in pain and in a hurry to rush back to Allahabad. Kartik keeps re-reading the letter and wondering how he could have ignored the glances, the signs that were there during the wedding.    
  
In hindsight it was so clear that Aman was not okay and hiding something from him. But yes, anyway, Kartik and Rajni run back to Allahabad. They reach the house, and Rajni offers to go in first, to keep Kartik safe. But Kartik rushes in. Rajni catches him right before anyone notices they’re there.    
  
They hear the hymns, the rituals going on. It sounds like a funeral. Kartik almost dashes out of Rajni’s arms to get to the back courtyard. Rajni follows. They end up at the door and Kartik breaks. 

Aman’s funeral.    
  
They were too late. Now all Kartik has left is the goodbye note and the memory of one last kiss. Kartik wants to get in and yell at them, call the cops on the murderous family but Rajni pulls him away.    
  


“I’m not letting you go in there. Aman did all this so that you’d be safe and far away from them. I’m not going to be a bad sister and let you get hurt. Aman wanted you safe and that’s what I’m going to do.”

So Rajni pulls Kartik away from the house, because she was not going to betray her dead brother by letting his lover get himself killed too. They both stay outside the house, not knowing what to do and devastated. 

Rajni is like “Take me with you. Wherever you’re going. This isn’t home anymore. Maybe it never was. Take me with you please jiju”. 

And so they go back to Delhi. Kartik cries all the way there. He spends the travel back rereading the poem again and again crying into Rajni’s shoulder and curled up in her lap sleeping when he’s not. Rajni also cries into him as he sleeps restlessly. 

The moment they reach Aman and Kartik’s flat in Delhi, Kartik just steps inside and falls apart fully. Rajni sits with him and they stay there in the middle of the living room, hugging him. She hasn’t let him go since they left the house.    
  
The two of them don’t know each other well, if at all, and yet they can’t help but trust each other to be there when no one else was because...no one else was. Rajni lost everything and the only thing she has is the thought that whoever Kartik was, was the kind of person that Aman fell in love with. So she definitely could trust him.    
  
And Kartik, he lost Aman, the one family he had and he doesn't even know Rajni well but he remembers stories Aman used to share about her, and thinks that it’s Aman’s sister. If there was anyone he could trust it would be the baby sister that Aman himself had said he’d half raised. 

And slowly, they get into a routine. The goodbye note goes on the fridge in the kitchen. Kartik put it up to remind him everyday on why he should keep going. It was like Aman was still around, because he’d put shopping lists and other important things for Kartik to remember on the fridge too. This seemed to be the most important thing that Aman had ever written so of course it’d go up there too.    
  
Rajni stayed in the guest room, helping herself and helping to bring Kartik out of his depressive moods. She started to learn alot about him and about Aman from the house and the occasional stories. She learned about this side of Aman that he’d always kept hidden through all the things he had left behind.    
  


A whole life of adventures that had been before him. 

Slowly and surely, the two of them got closer and closer. They became best friends. They didn’t have anyone else but each other anyway. Rajni convinced Kartik to take up a job (another one than his and Aman’s previous jobs). She too got a job as a teacher (or something) and started to make a life for herself in Delhi.    
  
She never even thought about leaving the apartment, because she knew that Kartik and her needed each other. A few years passed and Rajni had made a few friends, built a life there. Kartik too had started to get some of his cheer back. Most days he was normal and socializing but some days he’d do nothing but sit in the apartment and relive every happy memory he’d had with Aman.    
  
He would spend some nights crying on the floor of the rooftop. And other nights, he spent on the couch as he couldn't bear to be alone in his room.    
  
Rajni tried to get him back into the dating scene a few years down the road from that horrible day of her wedding but Kartik refused. He’d always say that his one love was Aman. He didn’t need anyone else. 

And Rajni had left it at that. 

Soon, Rajni found someone and with a heavy heart, she left the apartment to live with her boyfriend. She suggested that maybe Kartik find a new place for himself too, but the broken look she’d gotten from him left her speechless. 

Kartik would never leave the apartment, she realized. Not when it was the only thing left of Aman for Kartik to cling on to. 

Eventually, Kartik did get someone else in his life. But it wasn’t a partner. It was a kid. He’d adopted a kid (for some reason idk) - a young 10 year old boy - and for about 5 years they were happy. 

Kartik would have Aakash (the son) call him bapu and he would tell him stories of Aman. He always referred to Aman as Aakash’s other dad. It pained Rajni to see it but it also comforted her to see that her brother was still, in some ways around. 

She was always Goggle chachi to Aakash and she’d tell him all about the childhood mischief her and his papa, Aman (or Guddu as she referred to him in these stories), would get into. It was all great for about 5 whole years, until Kartik got caught in an accident on his way home from work.    
  
Aakash had also been in it, but Kartik had shielded him from the brunt of the impact. Kartik had landed in a coma after that. Rajni cried so hard as his bedside that night when they said that Karitk’s heart might give out anytime. 

Even the doctors weren’t sure if he’d pull out of it. Aakash and Rajni, (and I guess by this point Rajni’s husband??) were devastated. 

Then somehow, while Kartik is still in a coma Rajni runs into Keshav?? Or Someone. Okay, and then they are super shocked to see her alive! They’re like “WE THOUGHT YOU AND KARTIK DIED” and etc and explains how they had heard of two dead bodies being found near the train tracks. 

Bodies were unidentifiable but uh, they were in similar clothes to what Kartik and Rajni had been wearing. So the entire family had thought they were both dead. (it was some other like pair of lovers who had committed suicide on the train tracks but they were wearing very similar clothes as Rajni and Kartik. And it was hard to identify them and they couldn't find Rajni and Kartik anywhere either and so the entire family thought maybe the two had died) 

But yea, Keshav goes: Aman’s dead. 

Rajni is like, I know, he died years ago and Keshav is like “what?”. AND SO WE LEARN WHAT HAPPENED. 

Aman hadn't died. BUT he had thought that the two of them had. He was devastated. He lost both his sister and lover. In one go. It didn't matter that the family eventually came to accept him and his sexuality. By that point, he’d already distanced himself from them due to grief. 

Anyway Aman had moved away he couldn't bear to be in Delhi or Allahabad. Lived far away from any place that had any memory of Rajni or Kartik. And he'd also never married and had like a kid. Krish Singh Tripathi. 

And he too had raised him as a single father etc, with telling Krish that Kartik was his other father thing. Just like Kartik had done with Aakash because the two could never really move on from each other. RAJNI learns this and is ecstatic because Aman had been alive but then... she realizes what Keshav said. Aman had passed away. Cancer or something idk (yet). 

And here Kartik is still in a coma. Maybe if Aman was alive Kartik would have fought his way back but... the damage was really bad. He threw himself in front of Aakash during the accident. SO uh... Kartik dies too.

Then Keshav and Rajni are like crying a lot and after everything, they bring Aakash back to Allahabad. That’s where Krish was also staying after Aman died. The two boys, when they meet, they take one look at each other and go, "brother" and hug. 

Because even if they were raised separately by Aman and Kartik, they always grew up with stories of the other as their dad too. And now, like they’re the only family they have left apart from the Tripathis. 

So yes the kids live in Allahabad with the rest of the Tripathis and they're like complete little shits because sibling duo and they exchange stories about Aman and Kartik and just live together as brothers. 

**Author's Note:**

> DO NOT MURDER ME PLEASE IM SORRY THIS IS SARGUN’S FAULT NONE OF THIS WAS EVER SUPPOSED TO BE VERABALIZED. SHE FORCED ME TO VERBALIZE THIS AND THEN IT BECAME A MONSTER AND THEN 3 MONTHS LATER SHE DARED ME TO POST SO THAT'S WHY. 
> 
> i am, very sorry but all weapons are to be shot at Sargun. Also she made me combine both unused AUs for raakh into oe. 
> 
> (also sargun, shreya, sid and sam said this fic is THE WORST and they also coined the term "distilled pain" for this fic)


End file.
